I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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