Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
