based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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