the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
