I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
