he wants to bone in the snuggie
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Pooping to opera.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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