i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
