i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
