last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
