after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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