I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
