Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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