i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
