my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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