4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
