Duck Duck Cougar?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
