morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
