perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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