My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
