Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
as a side note pls kill me
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
