I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
