Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
