is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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