I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
