You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
