Do you still have your period?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
