Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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