I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
