Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
