When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
