Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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