You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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