I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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