I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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