why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
