i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
