I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
