I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
