she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
