Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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