I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
