Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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