You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
