Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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