non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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