And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
