I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
