some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize
