Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
