What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
