Sober January is a disaster.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I want a musical about memes.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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