Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
