Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
