I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
In other news, I just burned my penis
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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