She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
