Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize