I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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