It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
