I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
