Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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