i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
