And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
