its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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