my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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