Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
